Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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