You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
