Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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