i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Randomize
