Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
