break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
