I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
