How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
