She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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