:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
