are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
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Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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