she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
