addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
