u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
