I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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