I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
