In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize