FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
