I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
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I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
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My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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