; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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