why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
