Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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