My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
