When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
