return my video game
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
