People with herpes should wear stickers.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
