your parents love me but you hate me
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize