the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
