We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
