waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She needs sedatives and a leash
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
