oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
