And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
