Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
