I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
