Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize
