3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
