Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
