I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
