dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize