Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
