I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
This girl is more easily done than said...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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