Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
