I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
