having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
