Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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