So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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