Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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