Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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