The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
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I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
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so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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