we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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