i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
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Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
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you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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