i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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