theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm having to shit out rocks
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