I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
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We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
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At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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