So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
