so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
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You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
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This is my life. Enjoy the view
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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