Capitaan dildo arrescate!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
