I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
