Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
