Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
