i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
