Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
