I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
