You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
