So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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