I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
