Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize