it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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