You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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