Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
